17 JOKES TO INCREASE YOUR VOCABULARY!
Jokes are a great way to improve your English. They’re practical, fun, and you can use them with friends!
The jokes here often rely on **puns**, which are based on the double meaning of a word, or **homophones**, which are words that sound the same but have different meanings. Before you read the jokes, be sure to check the **Vocabulary** section below. Have fun!
1. New York
A: I was born in New York.
B: Oh cool, which part?
A: All of me…
2. Therapist
Therapist: Is it difficult for you to make decisions?
Patient: Well… yes… and no… I mean, yes… I think.
3. Verb Conjugation
Teacher: Please conjugate the verb to walk in the Present Simple tense.
Student: I walk, you walk, she walks….
Teacher: Quicker please.
Student: I run, you run, she runs…
4. The Guitar
Patient: Doctor, will I be able to play the guitar after the operation?
Doctor: Of course you will, don’t worry!
Patient: Wonderful, because I couldn’t before!
5. The Milk Bath
A: Why do you always have a bath in milk?
B: Because I haven’t found a cow that’s tall enough for a shower!
6. Sleeping Fish
A: Where do fish sleep?
B: I don’t know. Where do fish sleep?
A: On the **riverbed**.
7. The Ocean
A: What did the ocean say when it met the sand?
B: I don’t know. What did the ocean say when it met the sand?
A: It didn’t say anything. It just gave it a little **wave**!
8. Flea Markets
A: What type of shops do dogs never go to?
B: I don’t know. What type of shops do dogs never go to?
A: **Flea** markets!
9. The Cookie
A: Why did the Oreo cookie go to the dentist?
B: I don’t know. Why did the Oreo cookie go to the dentist?
A: Because it lost its **filling**.
10. The Ghost
A: Why are ghosts such bad liars?
B: I don’t know. Why are ghosts such bad liars?
A: Because they’re easy to **see through**.
11. Getting Online
A: How do trees get online?
B: I don’t know. How do trees get online?
A: They **log** on!
12. The Astronaut
A: Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
B: No.
A: He just needed a little **space**.
13. The Tomato
A: Why did the tomato turn red?
B: I don’t know, why did the tomato turn red?
A: Because it saw the salad **dressing**!
14. The Math Book
A: Why did the maths book look stressed?
B: I don’t know, why did the maths book look stressed?
A: Because it had so many **problems**.
15. The Computer
A: Why did the computer go to see the doctor?
B: I don’t know, why did the computer go to see the doctor?
A: Because it had a **virus**.
16. The Longest Word
Teacher: Do you know what the longest word in the English language is?
Student: Smiles.
Teacher: Smiles? That word only has six letters.
Student: Yes. but there’s a **mile** between the first and last letters: S **MILE** S.
17. How Many Coins?
Holding out his right fist, Alex says to his friend, ‘Guess the number of coins I have in this hand.’
And his friend says, ‘OK, but if I’m right, can I keep one of them?’
And Alex responds, ‘If you’re right, you can have **both** of them!’
VOCABULARY TO UNDERSTAND THE JOKES!
• **Flea:** A small insect that feeds on blood. A **flea market** is a place to buy old or cheap goods.
• **Wave:** To move your hand back and forth to say hello, or a high area of water in the sea.
• **Filling:** A substance a dentist puts in a tooth cavity, or a layer of food inside a cake or sandwich.
• **See through:** To understand someone’s dishonest intentions, or a type of thin clothing you can see through.
• **Space:** An empty area, or the empty area outside Earth’s atmosphere.
• **Virus:** A computer program that causes a computer to malfunction, or an organic material that causes diseases.
• **Dressing:** The act of putting on clothes, or a sauce for a salad.
• **To turn red:** When a plant ripens, or when a person’s face becomes red from embarrassment.
• **Bed:** An object you sleep on, or the bottom part of a river (**riverbed**).
• **Log:** A thick piece of a tree, or to **log on** to a computer system by entering your details.
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